The Wonders of Fan Fiction
by Steel and velvet
Summary: A fan-fiction based on a comment about a review of another fan-fiction I wrote. I-I don't even... what does it mean? I think my brain died a little when I started writing this, and a little more when I finished. The worst. Story. Ever.


Four figures sat together in a softly lit room around a simple wooden table, a delicate silver tea set placed in the middle. One was a tall humanoid in olive green armor, his face unseen behind his golden visor. Another was an even taller humanoid, his features appearing as if one had taken a human face and stretched it ever so slightly, with high eyebrows and pointed ears. The third was a young human in a bright orange and blue jumpsuit with hair so blonde it was almost yellow. And the fourth was a purple unicorn pony with three tone navy blue, pink, and purple hair. All four wore top hats, monocles and bowties.

"Would you care for more tea, Farseer Ulthran?" Asked Twilight Sparkle with a British accent, holding the kettle out to the elongated humanoid.

"Why I dare say I would, Madame Twilight." He said, holding out his teacup and plate to the pony next to him. He'd rather not think about how the pony was holding the object with what was little more than a giant fingernail.

"I dare say, this tea is marvelous, Madame Twilight." Naruto said, taking a dainty sip. "Might I inquire where you obtained such a brew?"

"Well, my good ninja, a lady must have _some _secrets after all." Twilight said innocently. Suddenly the room shook.

"Oh my." Exclaimed the master chief, sipping his tea through his helmet, "I do believe we hit something."

"Oh dear, I will pull up the view screen." Naruto said, flipping a switch.

Equestria burned under the overwhelming power of the Ragnarok, its lava cannon melting the homes and bodies of every pony it hit. Naruto nodded and flipped the switch again, turning off the view screen.

"It appears we've made our way through a house." He said.

"Oh dear." Said Twilight, shaking her head, "I do hope it caused little damage to our paint scheme. Suddenly a large green armored hand was placed on her shoulder.

"My dearest Twilight, let us retire to the back room." The Master Chief said.

"Of course, John." Twilight said, following the armor clad soldier through a door.

"Oh dear, Madame Twilight. I do appear to be having intercourse with you." John's voice said from behind the door.

"Mmm, quite." Twilight's voice responded. The sipping of tea was heard among a number of other noises, not the least notable was the sound of an excited monkey.

"Another biscuit, my good ninja?" Asked Farseer Ulthran to Naruto.

"I dare say so. Though, I must ask, didn't you die a time ago?" He asked, taking the biscuit and arching a brow.

"Oh dear, I do believe you are correct." The Farseer said, "I do believe I shall die now." And he did, falling from his chair, his tongue lolling out and his eyes blank.

"Mmm, quite." Naruto said, taking a sip of his tea. He turned and realized his biscuit had become a rubber chicken. "Oh bother."

"I do believe we are still having intercourse." John said, accompanied by the sound of a coo coo clock.

"Yes, quite." Twilight responded, followed by the sound of a train whistle.

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

"And that's how Equestria was made!" Exclaimed Pinkie Pie at the end of her nonsensical story. Mithril raised a confused brow at the pink pony as he pulled a fresh batch of cupcakes from the oven.

"Um, I'm not sure I recall any giant robots stomping around at any time in my life, Pinkie." Mithril said, setting the tray aside and grabbing the frosting.

"Of course not, silly! It happened in a different continuity!" She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"And so in this 'continuity,' Twilight, a space elf, a ninja, and some kind of cyborg super soldier had a tea party in a giant rampaging robot, and then-"

"Twilight and the Master Chief fucked." She said simply, nodding as they applied frosting.

"Um, Pinkie Pie, you realize that that makes absolutely zero sense, right?"

"It doesn't have to make sense! It's fan-fiction!"

"Sure, Pinkie Pie. Sure."

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

The thin, light skinned human sat in his apartment, staring blankly at the glowing screen of the lap top, his lips pursed and his brow furrowed. He ran a hand through his dark brown hair, trying to figure what in all the nine hells he had just wrote, and why.

"What the fuck is this shit?" Was all he could manage to exclaim as he read over the story.

"Honey?" A voice called from the other room. "Are you coming back to bed?"

"One sec, babe. I'm trying to figure out what I just wrote." He said. A pink, anthropomorphic pony walked out to the living room and set her hands on his shoulders.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll keep people happy until you know where you're going with the other story." She said, massaging him slightly.

"Keep who happy?" He asked looking up at her confused.

"Your fans of course!" She said, smiling.

"Fans?" He laughed. "Pinkie Pie, I don't have fans. I literally posted that story _yesterday_." He said wryly at the filly.

"Well, maybe you'll have fans!" She said excitedly. "Now hurry up and come to bed. I'm lonely." She said, drifting a hand down his chest. He laughed softly.

"Alright, alright. Lemme just post this." He said, clicking the "upload" button on the screen, before standing up and following the pony back to their room.

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

"!" The blue hedgehog screamed as he woke with a start. That was the oddest, most disconcerting dream he had ever had.

"Sonic my love, What's wrong?" Asked a voice from his side. A male voice. He turned and saw a black and red hedgehog looking up at him with concern.

!" He screamed again.

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

Archer woke up with a start, running a hand through his grey hair and fiddling with one of the three black locks. The tan human shook his head and stood up, heading to the bathroom.

"That's it. I'm _never _hitting the sauce and the dreamweed before bed _ever_ again." He said groggily.

Unbeknownst to him, a head popped out from under his bed.

"Oh, he totally will though." Said the cyan pony with the rainbow colored mane.

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

A man in a suit walked up in front of a black, starry background, his face hidden by a featureless green mask.

"And so concludes another journey through the Twilight Sparkle Zone. This odd, confusing zone, where random thoughts and ideas conglomerate. With no beginning, and no end, this strange and confusing chain will go on…" The man pulled off his mask, and revealed himself to be neither man, nor even _human_, but a pink, female pony. "_**FOREVER!**_" She exclaimed in a shrill voice.

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

The man sat, staring in confusion at what he had just read. Who posted this? What was it? _Why_ did they post it?

"What the fu-"

"_**!"**_

0.o o.0 0.o o.0

_** "THE! !" **_The fez wearing raven screamed at the top of its lungs.


End file.
